The Power of Kindness

Barbara Z. Perman, Ph.D.

"When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."  ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel
 

Many years ago, in the depths of winter our family was headed for a long weekend away. We had the usual mad dash to get things done and leave the house in order and then off we went up to a lodge we love in Vermont. The weather on the way was snowy and we were grateful to arrive and put our feet up next to the warm fire burning in the log cabin style common room. The weather began to calm down and so did we as we sat unwinding. Suddenly, a man entered covered with snow. He looked forlorn and told us that the day before he had had to leave his car 30 miles north to get a flat tire fixed. He had managed to get a ride to the Inn and now had to get the car back. He was just making conversation with us, kind of puzzling out what to do about his problem. Without thinking I was up from my comfy lounge chair and offering to take him. He had a look of surprise and then relief on his face. He took me up on my offer. We had an easy trip through the snowy countryside and the mission was accomplished. That evening he and his wife gave us a gift to say "Thank you".

The next winter, I was visiting my mother with one of my sons. At the time he was about 15 years old. We had expected to leave for home on Sunday night, but I was getting my mother ready to move and there was still much to be done. We changed the plan and my son was to return home by train. It was snowing when I dropped my son off at the station in New Rochelle to wait for the Amtrak train. An hour and one half later, I had a call from my son to say the train hadn't come. I asked him why he had waited so long to let me know. Maybe we could have worked out another plan. In any case, why did he wait on the cold, dim lit platform for so long? He said "Mom, I was the only one with a cell phone who could tell the people what was happening with Amtrak. I didn't want to abandon them. If it had been you, you would have given them things to eat out of the picnic bag you gave me as well!" I was amazed and touched. His heart had opened up to these strangers just as mine had done the year before. There is nothing like a little kindness from the heart and clearly modeling it can be very powerful.

I find these days that little acts of kindness go a long way. Last week the nurse, Chris at my primary care physician's office was so kind in listening to the small problem I had called about. When I saw my doctor the next day, he was so kind - as if he were just there for me. I went from there to a shop where I have modifications done in my shoes and the owner treated me with such attention and caring during my unplanned visit. On the very same day I had a problem with my car and was treated with respect and kindness when I needed help at the two places where my car gets taken care of.
 
When we at Moving Mentor, Inc. do our work of helping people, especially seniors and their families, with moves they are making, we see opportunities for family members to be kind to each other. Sometimes family members have been estranged or have misunderstood or misjudged each other, or simply have become disconnected. Moving can present a chance to repair and heal and to transform relationships just with a little kindness. People can reach out and even forgive, without necessarily forgetting a wrong done. The power of the small gesture can be very great, even life-changing.
 
There are many resources that can teach us about kindness. Of course there are examples in our everyday life. There is a wonderful book written by Piero Ferrucci  called "The Power of Kindness" (The Penguin Group, 2006). It is filled with tales, legends, anecdotes, research about all the elements of kindness. Equally wonderful is a video called "Turning Points" narrated by Og Mandino. It is about a few people who each inherit a small object from a person who they do not know. Each person finds out in a note they receive about the impact on the deceased when he was alive, of something they themselves had done long ago. It is a gem. It is about the power of kindness. It shows not only how the kindness the man received helped him, but then how the kindness he gives back to each of them gets passed on.
 
As Amelia Ehrhart said: "No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves."