The Gift of Words

Barbara Z. Perman, Ph.D.

Words are powerful. They can make us feel good or make us feel small. They can give us courage or make us fearful. They can be cheap and without much value, or they can be pearls. What others tell us about ourselves can have great impact on us. Even more powerful are the words we use to speak to ourselves, for they easily solidify into inner "scripts" and become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Words can sway nations for better or for worse. Quotations from famous speeches of the past can move us even today when we read or hear them. We all know Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech and John F. Kennedy's lines "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Surprisingly simple and direct, these words speak compellingly to the heart of each one of us about a unity that is real and robust and beyond opinions and beliefs that divide us. Words like these can uplift and awaken the best in a people.

Regardless of our skills, each one of us has the power and the opportunity to make a difference with the words he or she speaks. This year the gift-giving holidays occur in the context of an economy that is not encouraging. Why not give the gift of words that can continue to have value for us well beyond the holiday period?

I am already getting my gifts ready. I am writing down a series of one or two lines that express appreciation, gratitude, admiration for particular behaviors, and memories of the year to share with those with whom I am close. Each expression will be put in a small envelope that I will decorate. Some will go into little boxes that I have saved and others will be hung up around the house or hidden in anticipation of a treasure hunt.

As I think about some of the seniors we have met through our work this year - those who have significant hearing losses and can't really hear all the words anymore and those who have trouble with speech and can't express in words anymore all that they might wish to say, it highlights the importance of saying what really matters. Say it now, in this time and in this season, don't wait.  And even beyond this time, plan to use simple written phrases to do what a friend calls "keeping your I-love-you's up to date." Be specific: recall good times; express thanks for small things. Above all communicate what is real for you.  It can be truly enlightening for someone to hear how something he or she did has mattered to you.

This holiday season, turn decorations into declarations. Bring light and warmth to others with simple and genuine reflections, descriptions and expressions from the heart. May your holiday season be rich with the blessings that come from acknowledging and being acknowledged and may this help to fill your home with light.